A Women’s Guide to Peeing In Urinals
Maybe RopinTexan has never dampened his pants waiting in line to use a crowded restroom. I doubt he’s ever even had to worry about this.
But you know the situation. Because of anatomy and clothing, it takes longer for women to take a pee than it does for the hosers – I mean, guys.
Just look at the way they design public restrooms. They make men’s and women’s the same sizes, and then put urinals in the men’s room, so that the men’s room actually accommodates more users. It also just takes longer to get in and out of a stall, even for a man who’s just going in to pee.
Then the men wonder why there’s always a line at the ladies’ room, and think it’s because we spend so much time gossiping and primping. Hah!
So, in response to RopinTexan’s misguided and misogynist rant, here is the Women’s Guide to Peeing in the Men’s Room, based on personal experience, consultation with other women, and after using my husband for additional research and scouting.
1. Never ask permission. Your only credentials for admission to the men’s room are a line at the ladies’ and a bladder in need of relief. This is a basic human right.
2. No shame! You have just as much right to bladder relief as a man!
3. Use the stalls first. There are usually some available. It’s more private for you. And it cause less embarrassment, less confusion, and less excitement for the poor hombres, who are not so good at coping with unusual situations or challenge to their privilege.
4. No woman is going to walk into a men’s room and use a urinal unless a) she’s totally desperate and about to pee her pants; b) she’s drunk; c) she’s daring and taken a bet; or d) some combination of the above. So it is important to be mission-driven and not be distracted. Your mission is to put your pee in the porcelain and get out with a minimum of hassle. Go directly to the urinal - do not feed the animals, do not debate gender equity, do not even make eye contact if you can avoid it. Keep your eyes on the prize.
5. BE PREPARED. You’ve got 400 other things in your purse. Why not an aid for emergency urination? Creative minds have developed the P-Mate (http://www.p-mate.com/eng/product.html), the Urinelle (http://www.urinelle.biz/html/en/About.shtml), even the Shenis (http://shenis.com, also many You Tube videos available). A sturdy sheet of paper rolled into a cone or an empy Marlboro box with the top and bottom torn off can serve in a pinch. But do not try any of these for the first time in field conditions and expect them to work perfectly...
6. Of course, desperation and/or drunkenness make equipment problematic. And you usually won’t have one anyway. So we strongly recommend practice ahead of time. You will need to learn whether or not you’re capable of pulling off the...
7. Stand Up, Take Aim, and Let ‘Er Fly method (http://web.archive.org/web/20040213142128/www.restrooms.org/standing.html); or the...
8. ‘Mon Back method - back up and bend over. Your anatomy and your practice in the shower, at the toilet, or in the back yard will determine what works best for you.
9. Whatever you do, don’t let your tender parts touch the porcelain! Best case - it’s cold and clammy. Worse case - it’s cold and wet. Even worse case - warm and wet. Yuck!
10. Do say “Thank you, guys” when finished. Most guys are willing to act like gentlemen when treated that way. It’s optional whether or not you wash up - but it depends only on how quickly you want to make your exit.
And here's a bonus tip - enjoy the sweet feeling of restroom freedom!