If You Were Truly a Friend

I wrote a letter to a friend who decided something I did was unforgivable and therefore will not return my phone calls and has told her husband that we are through. What was the terrible crime I committed? Apparently she hurt her shoulder and I didn't call and give her the sympathy and concern she was expecting. She hurt her shoulder somehow in her sleep! I did call her, left messages, spoke to her husband when he answered the phone. He would say she is resting, or she is out or busy and that she would call me back. She never did. We have known each other for 20 yrs and I have seen her banish her relatives and many friends from her life over what seemed like petty slights but I thought I was immune because of my longevity. I am angry that she has judged, convicted and executed me from her life over this. How dare she act so ridiculously. She sets unreachable standards for people that will eventually not be met and then pushes them away. Her husband has cried to my husband that she has no friends and they have no one left to go out with. He is miserable but afraid to leave. I wrote her a letter to explain my actions and discuss her reactions. I told her in the letter that I was sorry if I had hurt her but that I had never intended or even understood just what I did that was so unforgivable. I expect a friendship to be based on  mutual respect and understanding. No one is perfect. If she was truly a friend why couldn't she talk to me about this? Why arbitrarily just ignore my calls and me? I told her in my letter that though I could understand why she has behaved this way that I do not condone this treatment. I was going to reach out and ask for her to give our friendship a chance to heal but I am not feeling it. I have decided she is not truly a friend. Life is too short and precious to waste on such nonesense. If I actually send her the letter she probably will be hurt by what I said about her and be unable to see beyond the hurt to the truth of what I have observed about her. I am on the fence about this. I know we are through. Our relationship will never be the same. But what if it registers with her? What if it makes a difference to the next friendship she forges? At least she will be on notice that if I am on to her behavior patterns that other people are too and it mightforce her to think about it. What are your thoughts? What would you do?

knownow knownow
56-60, F
2 Responses Apr 22, 2009

Life is too short. Why waste that time with someone who doesn't get it.

She is selfish. Sorry to say that about her.<br />
But she needs to come of her high horse and realise that the world does not revolve around her, that she needs to come to middle ground and meet everyone there no matter who it is. At some points people will go extra miles but treating them this way wont do. But selfish people build a pattern and they get so use to not giving and delving in there own self pity they hardly realise what relationships require, a lot of hard work, to build a strong and lasting one.<br />
Its unfair how they refuse to budge and not think how the other person feels or what sot of implications there actions have on others. And i agree it wont ever be the same until she truly doesn't change. Its unfair on you to loose a friend and for a friend to be so insensitive. Good luck.