I'm Not Normal, Either :)

I'm not:
1. Depressed > I'm actually very happy.
2. Single > I'm very happily married.
3. Withdrawn > I used to be afraid to be the first to start a conversation, but then I realized I was losing so many opportunities.
4. Unemployed > I have so many jobs that I can't lose them all at once.
5. A smoker > I never smoked and I will attend many smokers' funerals.
6. Politically correct > If I have an opinion, I state it in the clearest possible way.
7. Mama's boy > I escaped from my mom's home at my first opportunity. I'm thankful to her, but she's not the highest priority in my life.
8. Religious > I don't need any god to be happy.
9. Blind > My eyesight is perfect.
10. Parent > I have no kids, currently.
11. Harmful > I hate violence, I don't want to hurt anyone.
12. Effeminate/Gay > I'm straight, I like women - in particular my wife - and I lack the basics of sensitivity, elegance and sometimes hygiene. I have a brain and a penis but not enough blood to make both work properly at the same time.
13. Superstitious > Being superstitious brings bad luck.
14. A new member > I signed up here in 2007. EPArsineh is a newbie :)
15. Patriotic > I consider nationalism almost as stupid as religion.
16. A Facebook user > I had a Facebook account, I deleted it.
17. Too serious > I can't stay serious for more than 40 minutes.
18. Jealous > If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours. If they don't, they never were.
19. Virgin > My beautiful wife knows exactly when I stopped being one.
20. Australian > I'm not Asian, African or Scandinavian either.
21. A computer geek > If you're older than I am, I'll help you with computers. If you're younger, you'll help me.
22. Believer in conspiracies > Yes, we've been on the moon, and no, 9/11 wasn't an inside job.
23. Hypocrite > I'm as strict with myself as I am with others.
24. Cheater > In the very unlikely case that I stopped loving my wife - but why should I? - splitting would be much more respectful than cheating.
25. Suicide > In the very unlikely case that I stopped being happy with my life, disappearing and starting a new life from scratch would be much more fun than killing myself.