My Mother

i can still hear my mother calling me names lard-*** , lazy, n more. though i was never fat or i weigh about 105, use to weigh 130, now she tells me i look like **** cause am way to skinny. hell bulima will do that to u.(I'AM RECOVERY, AT LEAST TRYING TO FROM A 22 YR. STRUGGLE W/ BUlimia) can still hear n see far to many mean n hurtful things she said.  once i had a boyfriend who beat me, she said what did u do to make him made?  know as n adult if i complain about my husband she will say u r lucky to have someone that puts up w/ u.but in the end i accept the fact she is my mother n cant seem to express real love.but i know she loves me in her own way.

deleted deleted
4 Responses Feb 18, 2010

I always tend hear that we lash out at the ones we love, due to the fact we are comfortable with that person. Nothing hurts worse when your mom says negative things and says you deservered to get beat by your boyfriend our your lucky that your husband puts up with you. Well in my opinion she is lukcy you still love her beside of the horrible things that she says and does to you,

.....few typos in the above--sorry. am having a very bad day today.....

it's more what my mom did NOT say that sticks with me. like his one for example: a friend about 2 yrs younger(i was around age 10) and me were playing in the yard one day, as mom and her mom were talking. the other mom was going on about how great her daughter was---and i waited hopefully to hear MY mom say how great I was. instead, i heard zilch. long, empty silence in reply. <br />
<br />
that was one instance of many. an amoeba could perceive that i was a very shy, sensitive child who needed much encouragement and praise to come out of my shell a bit---but NOT my mom. instead, it was 'don't say anything to me--unless its something negative.' <br />
maybe your mom loves you, but i am not buying that mine loves me. i always hurt that you are not supposed to repeatedly hurt those whom you love. : /

My dad told me, "Real men cry. The ones that don't go crazy."<br />
<br />
Excellent advice, I think.