I Wtk What Part of You No One Sees
On the outside, I am a mother first, and to the death. I am a wife of 36 years, married my high school sweetheart, only 8 months after graduation. I have made a career out of raising our kids, making and maintaining our home, no matter where it was, or what it was. I have been known to take a job and work as many hours as was necessary to help support our family, no matter what the job was, or what it involved. I have held managerial positions, as well as being low man on the totem pole, and done both with the same amount of pride and dedication. I have experienced holding the newest baby, as well as the hand of a dying relative as the last breathe was exhaled. All of this and more, without regret or expectation of commendations.
On the other side, or the inside, however you want to look at it.........I feel alone, even when I am in a crowd of people, whether it be family, friends, or the middle of Walmart!! I feel like no matter how hard I try, or how hard I work, nothing is ever good enough, cause someone is always telling me how they would've done what I just finished, and how it would've been so much better their way. So, why, I ask, didn't they do it, before I had no choice but to do it, or it wouldn't have gotten done. I sometimes think that my feelings are the only ones that can be hurt without repercussions. I can hide them, I have gotten good at it, but that doesn't mean that I don't have feelings. If I didn't have feelings, I couldn't be all that I am to those around me. I sometimes feel as though I have missed out on so much of my life, but then if I hadn't, I wouldn't have gotten to witness so much that means life itself to me. First words, steps, boo boos, kindergarten, grade school, graduation, first loves, and broken hearts. I would've missed the times they have spent in my arms being healed, simply by my touch. I would've missed teaching them to drive, to learn about life, and to always make the right decisions, no matter how much easier the wrong one would've been. I would've missed having people tell me what a good job we have done as parents, raising good, responsible children that have become remarkable adults. I could go on and on, but then, you would just think I was some old crow, thinking hers was the blackest. Well, I am and I do, what can I say.
Now that we have cut the cord, and more or less forced them to live their lives without our direct contact 24/7, I really don't know how to feel. I am proud, but worried, they are strong, but are they strong enough. I am confident in their abilities, but are they? We purposely had our children when we were so young, because we wanted to grow up with them. Now that they are grown, can we grow old without them? Can we go back to the time when we were so in love, that sharing our lives with these little beings was all we could think about? And will we survive it without them being right here? I know we can, people do it all the time, but I am not so sure that most people have the type of relationship with their children that we have with ours. I see so much going on in families today, that seems totally alien compared to the way we have always done things. I wonder how some of the children survive, and why the parents are so blind to what they are missing, and how it will affect the children later in life.
Well, here I was on my family soapbox again. No wonder my friends have always stepped aside and away from me. But, let me tell you this, I would give my life for my family, what's a friend or two???
JAM
On the other side, or the inside, however you want to look at it.........I feel alone, even when I am in a crowd of people, whether it be family, friends, or the middle of Walmart!! I feel like no matter how hard I try, or how hard I work, nothing is ever good enough, cause someone is always telling me how they would've done what I just finished, and how it would've been so much better their way. So, why, I ask, didn't they do it, before I had no choice but to do it, or it wouldn't have gotten done. I sometimes think that my feelings are the only ones that can be hurt without repercussions. I can hide them, I have gotten good at it, but that doesn't mean that I don't have feelings. If I didn't have feelings, I couldn't be all that I am to those around me. I sometimes feel as though I have missed out on so much of my life, but then if I hadn't, I wouldn't have gotten to witness so much that means life itself to me. First words, steps, boo boos, kindergarten, grade school, graduation, first loves, and broken hearts. I would've missed the times they have spent in my arms being healed, simply by my touch. I would've missed teaching them to drive, to learn about life, and to always make the right decisions, no matter how much easier the wrong one would've been. I would've missed having people tell me what a good job we have done as parents, raising good, responsible children that have become remarkable adults. I could go on and on, but then, you would just think I was some old crow, thinking hers was the blackest. Well, I am and I do, what can I say.
Now that we have cut the cord, and more or less forced them to live their lives without our direct contact 24/7, I really don't know how to feel. I am proud, but worried, they are strong, but are they strong enough. I am confident in their abilities, but are they? We purposely had our children when we were so young, because we wanted to grow up with them. Now that they are grown, can we grow old without them? Can we go back to the time when we were so in love, that sharing our lives with these little beings was all we could think about? And will we survive it without them being right here? I know we can, people do it all the time, but I am not so sure that most people have the type of relationship with their children that we have with ours. I see so much going on in families today, that seems totally alien compared to the way we have always done things. I wonder how some of the children survive, and why the parents are so blind to what they are missing, and how it will affect the children later in life.
Well, here I was on my family soapbox again. No wonder my friends have always stepped aside and away from me. But, let me tell you this, I would give my life for my family, what's a friend or two???
JAM
Age:
51-55
,
Female
