I am incredibly passionate about everything and anything.... I wont do something unless it interests me, and if it interests me I will become completely absorbed in it.
Someone once told me I have too much heart and not enough brain.... not in the sense that I am stupid, but that I argue with my heart rather than with logic. I dont understand how the world got to be the way it is, because I dont understand how people can't see things the way I do.... that lives mean more than anything else.
Everything I do I do it fully. I throw myself into it, whether 'it' is a cause, a friendship, a relationship, therapy, anything.
I don't have an ounce of hate in my body. In fact, I have an infinite amount of love for every single life. Some I hold closer to me, but they are not of more worth. If I allow myself, I can cry for days over people I did not know. I can grieve without knowing names, ages, genders, religions.
I use humour to cover how dark I feel. Many times that I end up in a&e im laughing at joking, as blood pours from my arm, or my vision swims from an overdose. I appear flippant and erratic, when in my head everything has been thought through a million times over.
I have an infinite amount of compassion and empathy, not by choice, but because I dont know how else to feel towards others. I dont hate because I dont want to, but because I cant seem to.
I think too much. I can explore every horrible outcome of a situation, and assess its affects, within seconds........ I was on a plane about to take off once when it filled with police. within seconds my brain had run through every senario that could happen, right down to there being bombs, the plane exploding, the look on my parents and boyfriends face when they were told, my funeral, what my friends would say, who would remember me, what would happen forty years from now...... it happens too quickly for me to even control it.
so yeah. basically i do everything too much. i think thats the best thing i can say about myself.