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I Am...

I am incredibly passionate about everything and anything.... I wont do something unless it interests me, and if it interests me I will become completely absorbed in it.

 

 

 

Someone once told me I have too much heart and not enough brain.... not in the sense that I am stupid, but that I argue with my heart rather than with logic. I dont understand how the world got to be the way it is, because I dont understand how people can't see things the way I do.... that lives mean more than anything else.

 

 

Everything I do I do it fully. I throw myself into it, whether 'it' is a cause, a friendship, a relationship, therapy, anything.

 

I don't have an ounce of hate in my body. In fact, I have an infinite amount of love for every single life. Some I hold closer to me, but they are not of more worth. If I allow myself, I can cry for days over people I did not know. I can grieve without knowing names, ages, genders, religions.

 

 

I use humour to cover how dark I feel. Many times that I end up in a&e im laughing at joking, as blood pours from my arm, or my vision swims from an overdose. I appear flippant and erratic, when in my head everything has been thought through a million times over.

 

 

I have an infinite amount of compassion and empathy, not by choice, but because I dont know how else to feel towards others. I dont hate because I dont want to, but because I cant seem to.

 

 

I think too much. I can explore every horrible outcome of a situation, and assess its affects, within seconds........ I was on a plane about to take off once when it filled with police. within seconds my brain had run through every senario that could happen, right down to there being bombs, the plane exploding, the look on my parents and boyfriends face when they were told, my funeral, what my friends would say, who would remember me, what would happen forty years from now...... it happens too quickly for me to even control it.

 

 

 

so yeah. basically i do everything too much. i think thats the best thing i can say about myself.

Tesse Tesse 18-21, F 8 Responses Jan 21, 2009

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Life is hard, and you seem like you already know it and don't mind that.<br />
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Your existence is the thing that makes you fight and others follow. You are precious. I wish I could help you reach your goals and change the world. Wish you all the best.

thank you...... you have no idea how much I needed to hear that...... I was feeling really pissy..... Im meant to be helping organise a demo but if last weeks one is anything to go by it will be miserable. its raining, we're expecting only a handful of people, but **** loads of police, and Im getting tired just thinking about it.....<br />
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i wish i could change the world by just existing. fighting doesnt seem to be getting us anywhere.

You are contagious, I feel more passionate reading your story.<br />
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You sound like fire. Thanks for having such a big heart. People like you can change the world by just existing.

thank you lawlover =]<br />
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unfortunately those with the power to change anything dont have those qualities. those qualities go the minute they become obsessed with wanting power. anyone who can be calculating and determined enough to gain power is too calculating and determined to do whats best for them to be compassionate or kind. power corrupts and all that. <br />
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ill stop before this becomes yet another anarchist rant. x

=] thank you brut x

Me too, La Trisse...beautiful letter.

i would rather be beat up and of help, than fine but useless.<br />
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that beat up, exhausted, tired feeling, its quite a comfort to me.... especially when i know my energies have gone into someone else. someone who needed them more than me.

I use humor too! its a mask of laughter for me! And doing too much, you must be one of those persons who renders yourself beat up to endow the aura of comfort on others! :)