This Is As Far As I've Got

I'm not sure how to have this make sense in the process of blurting it out but I'll give it a go.

It's almost not a real story but I sort of just want to talk about it


OK, I'll provide a brief background first just for perspective.

My mother's family is Catholic. Her aunty is a nun and her uncle is a priest and her cousin is a nun and her parents are devout Catholics along with all her siblings. My Dad's family is not heavily religious but there's a few who dabble in Christianity. I have a lot of good friends who are Christians and a boyfriend who's Catholic. I was never raised to follow any religion and have never been christened or baptised or anything.


I've become very curious about religion recently. Previously I would've called myself somewhat of an athiest despite having been taken to church periodically with my grandparents as a young child. I have been to christenings and baptisms and things for my cousins too.

I can't say I'm terribly knowledgable when it comes to religion but there are little bits and pieces that I've picked up.

I think my curiousity started when my great aunty (the nun) passed away of cancer in a rather horriffic manner on Easter Monday 2007. It was a real family affair and we nursed her to her death in the last few months and after she passed away we had her with us at the presbytery and we had vigils with her and things. This was a particularly spiritual experience for me in terms of self-awareness. After this I found my sixth sense become keener than it previously was and I found myself bumping into spirits far more frequently. I found it to be very overwhelming when we were having prayer sessions and things and I found a real sense of comfort being in that environment. It felt like going home.

This had sparked my curiousity which continued to grow over the coming months.


I then became unwell with something we couldn't identify. I felt very lost over the coming months and life seemed to come to a screetching holt. After 15months I recieved a diagnosis of a condition somewhat aligned with rheumatoid arthritis. I started to undergo treatment and established a management plan for it. As I regained ability and my life I started to think about how strange of an experience it was.

To think of the bigger picture, Abuse at 13, suicidal tendancies at 14 and eating disorder at 14, arthritis at 18; it all seemed crazy to me that I was still alive. I can't grasp the concept that I've overcome all those things at such a young age. No matter how hard I try I can't convince myself its coincidence that I've learnt to survive all that.

Needless to say a lot of the people close to me mentioned God and prayer and other such things. I didn't brush it off but I wasn't really sure what to do with that knowledge either.

Last Xmas, my Nana was admitted to hospital with pneumonia and heart failure. She was given 24hours on boxing day and on January 4th she finally passed away. I felt very aware of her and her well-being. I had asked all my friends to pray for her safe travel as it's the one thing I wished for her to have after a 3 year struggle since a stroke. Her passing was peaceful and was followed by a small family funeral and a private cremation. Nana wasn't religious but I felt a sense of releif the night she passed away, I slept through the night for the first time in weeks and woke up to a phone call from my Dad to say she passed. I felt such an airy calm that night.


I have, even more recently, met a gentleman who has become very important in my life. He is Catholic and although we haven't spoken too much about religion, I am keen for him to tell me more about it.


I'm not sure what to make of it all to be honest. My life just seems to be too fortunate for it to be a coincidence. Which leads me to believe in a higher power.


However at the same time there are things like Evolution which I believe in whole-heartedly and this conflicts with the idea of Creation so I'm left at a bit of a loss.


Any constructive comments welcome :)

fresheyes fresheyes
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 1, 2009

I am a Christian and have been for my whole life. You know how you said just recently you have been more curious about religion and so on? I believe there comes a time in everyone's life when they feel that way. I'm glad that you, unlike some people, are determined to find out the truth of your existence. <br />
It seems like God is calling out to you, like you know how you said when you were in the prayer sessions you felt a sense of comfort? I believe that is because you finally found God. I've heard from a lot of born again Christians that before they found God they felt like a part of them was missing and when they accepted God they felt whole. Maybe that was what you felt. <br />
I would say do some research of your own and make a decision for yourself; don't just believe things because people tell you it's true. And if you have questions just ask people who know about it. Whatever you do make sure it's an informed decision.

I believe in a higher being. A creator of this world. But I don't believe in a "religion". I don't believe in a book, I don't believe in afterlife. But I do believe in evolution. Why can't a higher being create life, and allow it to evolve. <br />
<br />
I'm sorry to hear about the bad things that's happened to you. But I believe that makes you a stronger person. There's an energy in this world that balances lots of things, karma?