One late morning after having gallons of coffee followed by a massive breakfast, I began cooking a large pot of butterbeans complete with giant hamhock and the secret family recipe....it takes several hours of slow cooking, as we don't soak our beans overnight, preferring to start them right out of the bag, so as to produce as much intestinal gas as possible later that evening while lying in bed. (it's a family tradition to have to fan the covers to disperse the gas evenly throughout the bedroom)
Anyway, after having had the gallons of coffee followed by the massive breakfast, coffee being the diuretic that it is draws water from the intestinal walls....so naturally I had to go visit the porcelain goddess.
As I was perusing the National Enquirer, the phone rang. I thought that I had better finish up in case it was important and they tried to call back in a few minutes, so I finished up...stepping out of the bathroom I heard a strange crackling noise followed by the smell of smoke.
Long story short, I burned the kitchen down.
Had the phone not rang I might not have left the bathroom in time to stop it from destroying the entire house.
Turns out, the person that called never called back....